I am in a very dark place right now
I am in the same dark place
where I was last year.
But somehow it feels different.
Like a familliar visitor.
I never invited in the first place.
But constantly visits me.
I already got “it” out of here many times and I know I will eventually get it out again...
Eventually...
When IS eventually?
What day?
What week?
What year?
Because if no one knows
I only wish I could fast forward everything now...
Skip to that part...
So I would want this all to end faster because I already know what will eventually happen eventually.
Eventually...
I have drowned under my personal thoughts once again, no floats to help me out but hey I’ve done this before so I guess I am not in panic.
I just know I’m suffering alone on this with no one else to blame but this unstable, uncapable brain that overlooks every situation imaginable.
Sometimes I wish I was blind just to see things I can never see as a person with crystal clear vision.
Sometimes I wish I could buy a new brain because this one isn’t working right like others.
Sometimes I wish I could exchange hearts, so mine would stop beating uncontrollably.
Maybe I am just incapable of handling human emotion.
But was getting better at it.
I was learning.
Although, am I learning all the wrong things?
What happened to me now?
Whatever happened now.
I have already eliminated so many parts of me and have changed so much from who the thing was inside this flesh was, years ago...
but I’m still unidentified...
I am still troubled what shape I take...
I am still indecisive and morally challenged.
I have changed so many parts of the thing inside this body...
Yet how much of myself
Do I have to kill
In order to feel alive?
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