Dear Aaron,
It is my biggest fear to admit to my happiness, because I am afraid I will be made fun of it again and I am afraid to lose it again.
I bite the bullet and share it anyway; I must.
For the past few months I have noticed a big change within me.
I haven’t dragged a blade across my arms or my back or have had any of my suicidal tendencies.
My scars have faded pretty well and I have started focusing on what makes aaron happy and what I can do to make aaron feel less hurt. I started allowing aaron to stop dwelling on consequences and failures.
I started allowing aaron to accept that pure joy isn’t happiness, that it is okay to be angry, sad, disgusted and scared.
I realized when aaron gets hurt I amplify it just because I think it will help.
Instead of helping myself, I only drag myself down even more.
I’m sorry aaron for being a shitty “self” to you.
I wish I could have done this earlier then maybe everything will not be so hard now.
I am sorry for making life even harder for you.
I never grew up strong, but I can accept my weakness and live through with it.
I promise that I can never keep promises and I am sorry I couldn’t be a better “self” to you.
But I can make sure to always be there,
Because I am the only “me” we got.
-ʌиɢə∟
