One thing I can conclude from my own very being is I am an
obsessed freak, once I like something, I will dive into it, submerge and saturate
myself with it.
Not just with movies, art, videogames, etc. but worse, with
people.
You give me hope and I will cling to you spiritually until
you want to shake me off like a koala hugging a tree.
I don’t want to let go off you.
Please don’t leave me.
Can I come with you?
Where are you going?
What are your plans tomorrow?
I will ask you again and again and again, maybe you want to
quit already.
But that is just how much I love you.
Do you love me back as much?
I mean you don’t have to love me that much.
I just wanted to ask.
We are best friends after all?
It will be fun because we will be the bestest friends, until
you hang out with another friend, and another, and another, schedule dates with
them, then schedule dates with them again
Without me.
I’ll watch your insta stories, I’ll take a peek on your phone
to see who is messaging you.
Who you took a selfie with
Who you held hands with
I want to be there also
With you guys
I want to be them
So I can be with you
I am disgusting.
I’m like a gremlin that creeps under your bed.
A pet that turned into a pest.
You never wanted a pet like that, didn’t you?
I’ll obsess over every word you tell me because once you
start loving me I’ll freak out when I feel like I am running out of love.
I’ll be fine, I know how to deal with myself, I can go play
my XBOX or start drawing characters again.
I can distract myself, give time to work or time for myself.
But there is an underlying fear I can’t shake away.
“Do you still like me?”
“What did
I do?”
“Am I boring
now?”
”Am I too weird?”
“What did I say?”
“Did I
upset them?”
“Did they
say anything about me?”
“What did
they tell you about me?”
“Did they say they hate me?”
“Am I still
your best friend?”
“It’s
okay I can hang out with them too”
“Why wasn’t I invited?”
I never wanted to take it personally.
But what did my brain do?
Do you not like me anymore?
Do you ever miss me?
Why do I feel like this?
I don’t want to feel this?
I don’t want to feel this?
BlahBlahBlah my brain will fire bullet after bullet
disappearing in thin air, shooting at an empty target
I will scratch every surface, I’ll crack open every nook and
cranny, I’ll creep around corners.
Just to find an answer
That I can’t ask you.
I can’t ask in front of you.
Because I am afraid of you.
Afraid of someone I love so much.
Afraid I’ll lose you.
Because you might think I’m ridiculous, over thinking, over
reacting and Obsessed.
Because I am obsessed
I am obsessed with you
With the love you gave me
Once you start giving me
Your love
Your drug
I can’t stop
I can’t live without it
I am obsessed with it.
